Therapy was as frustrating as I had anticipated, but for wholly different reasons. Dr Marcus mainly just wanted to listen to me talk, I suppose in the hope that I would figure things out on my own if I only spoke long enough. When I finished explaining the general trend of problems and the specific incident of Monday night, he didn't seem to want to make any suggestions outright. We agreed that I feel as though my problems stem from a desire to communicate what bothers me, whether it's something that frustrates me and that I have to express or something that I feel needs to be solved. Eventually, he mentioned that people communicate for different reasons, and this influences how they react to what they hear. He thinks that I should evaluate whether my communication is geared toward problem-solving or relationship-building, and what functions I want it to serve. Thus, this entry.
I think that Rey communicates to build relationships; it seems to justify the way that he listens to me sometimes just to hear me talk, to give me the feeling that someone is listening. It frustrates me, sometimes; it seems as though I'm not being taken seriously when I'm trying to discuss something that I find important.
I suppose this means that I communicate to solve problems, even when they're relational problems.
Dr Marcus asked me to evaluate what this means, but I'm not sure by what criteria I should be evaluating it. Is it good to want to solve problems? I've always believed it to be; I feel it's both unproductive and in some ways dishonest to recognize a problem and fail to address it. On the other hand, I can hardly find fault with a person who wants to strengthen relationships. Rey doesn't mind if our concerns aren't solved, so long as our relationship is stable--and honestly, he's far more successful in keeping the peace than I am at solving our problems. It seems absurd for us to continue as though we're at cross purposes when our goals appear more compatible than contradictory. If our relationship is good, we'll be better equipped to solve our problems. If we can deal with our problems, that should improve our relationship.